Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize