The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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