If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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