Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
