U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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