what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
