fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
