I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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