his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's the barista slut.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize