why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
