You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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