ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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