He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
