he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
