Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
