In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
