Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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