Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
