I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
