Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
