She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
