I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
