We need to rekindle our bromance
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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