just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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