I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
