All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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