I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
