it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
