Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
