just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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