Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
