My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
