Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I forget how to act sober
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
