Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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