The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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