I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
