I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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