I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
