As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize