How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
