There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Life is so much better after having sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
