I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
