my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
