no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize