Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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