i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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