I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In America we eat man semen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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