I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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