I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
