Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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