Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
