So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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