no, he came in my armpit
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
