never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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