She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
