The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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