in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
