I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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