____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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