I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
