If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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