The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
