Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
