So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
