Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dick has a subreddit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
