What a fucking waste of an outfit
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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