Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
