this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
