You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
