Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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