i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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