Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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