I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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