they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize