now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize