what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
