dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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