Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
