When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
