oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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