Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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